Forgiveness
by Allymarie
Summary: Spike's past comes to Sunnydale and leads the Scooby gang into some interesting enlightenment of their favorite evil vampire.
1. Default Chapter

When you are a child you think the world of your parents and that they can do no wrong. They are the ones who created you, gave you life, bringing you into this wonderful world. Of course when you start to grow up you begin to see the truth that they are, after all, only human and they too can make mistakes. And that the world around you isn't full of fairy tales and sweets, buts monsters and horrors. This frightens and angers you, then the rebellion begins, rebelling against anything that was them. Attempting to find your own way in this ugly world. Then the moment comes when you grow up and over it all and see your parents as only human and finally realize that there is nothing wrong with it.   
  
Every life is an adventure and every adventure has its ups and downs and curves. Nothing is as it seems.   
  
*************************************************************************  
  
It was one of those horribly stuffy English balls, where people dance stiffly and talk stiffly. After about three conversations you begin to realize how truly boring this country is and why your ancestors decided to leave it. My mother thought, though, that it would be a good idea for me to have a London season before I stepped into my first New York season. This was for practice she kept reminding me. She wanted me to see how proper English ladies act and talk. She always said that I was a bit of a buccaneer in my attitude. I always talked at the wrong times and said the wrong things. And although people may have found that charming when I was a little girl, nobody would appreciate my candidness when I am a lady. So here I am in the corner of some stuffy old ballroom, afraid to speak to anyone about anything in fear that my mother might find out.  
  
A man at the other side of the room catches me looking bored and starts to head towards me. When he is close enough for me to hear, but far enough away to sound a bit distant he asks, Are you the official wilting flower of this dance?   
  
That was a bit rude, I thought.  
  
Every dance has one you know, a wilting flower, some poor young girl who gets stuck in the corner looking hopelessly bored. They just usually aren't so beautiful.  
  
You knew that you were in hot water didn't you.   
  
I admit, I could tell from the look on your face that you were not amused by my comment. He looked a bit caught.  
  
I don't bite. I added deciding that he was looking a bit too scared for someone who just braved such a rude comment.  
  
And I don't either, then we have something in common. He smiled, god he has a good smile. Lord William Thwarte and you are?  
  
Miranda Colby. I held out my hand and he kissed it gently, then let it linger near his mouth as he looked up at me.   
  
An American?  
  
A Texan, to be more specific. I replied.  
  
Very specific, so what brings you to London? He smiled again, I could fall in love with that smile.  
  
The London season. I replied, smiling back at him.  
  
Ugh, and a very boring London season it is, I take it. Us, English boys aren't amusing enough for you.  
  
It's not that, I was caught, Okay maybe it is that a little. It's just that nobody says anything. They all just talk.  
  
Your right, conversation is a bit lacking on this side of the Atlantic. But you can always spice that up can't you?  
  
My mother wants me to learn how to be a proper young lady. She thinks that I am a bit too candid for my own good. So, no, I can't spice it up a bit. I can only just sit here and be bored.  
  
Or you could talk to me. Spice up our conversation. Nobody needs to know. And you can save me from the horrible bore that these balls tend to become. He smiled again. Tell me about your home.  
  
And that was how it all began. We talked for hours that night. He was so comfortable, I felt safe talking to him about anything. He didn't laugh or find me horribly rude. It was nice. Every ball that I showed up to William followed and saved me from my boredom. He was becoming my best friend in England. He wrote to me on almost daily basis.  
  
I don't know when it was that I fell in love with him. But somewhere in between the dreadful balls and his unbelievable smile, my heart beat faster and butterflies grew in my stomach. I loved him and I was sure though I had no experience at judging this sort of thing, that he loved me. He always held my hand a bit too long after the dance ended or let his lips linger on my hand as he greeted me. His eyes would always light up when he saw me enter a room. And then there was his smile which always came when he talked to me. I knew that he loved me and that he would love me forever.   
  
I just didn't know how long forever really would be.  
*********************************************************  
  
Randy, where do you want this Grecian vase? Marcus yelled from downstairs in the store. I was busy trying to direct the movers on where to put my stuff. Hoping that they wouldn't break as much as the last movers did.  
  
On the table, near the Ticcian. I yelled down. Pointing to the couch that the mover was trying to put down. No, that goes in the parlor. And that box goes in my bedroom, see the word bedroom written on the box. That means it goes in the bedroom. The movers mumbled under their breath. And don't bother to curse me under your breath, it won't make your job any easier. And with that I walked downstairs to see how Marcus was doing.  
  
So do you think we can get this place opened by tomorrow? Marcus laughed at my comment. I mean it. I think that we should open tomorrow. I mean its not that big of a deal that we won't have everything set up. Besides I have a new shipment coming in tomorrow of old books and I would rather work on them, while you set everything up.  
  
I think that we will be open by tomorrow if that is what you want. I can always work on my place at night while you work down here. Marcus agreed.  
  
See that is why I like about you, efficiency and absolute agreement. Maybe I should give you a raise?  
  
You should definitely give me a raise.   
  
Okay. So do you think that we are going to like it here?  
  
Here in Sunnydale. A bunch of laughs, I hear its a hellmouth.  
  
Really, that should be interesting. I smiled at Marcus. I can't wait to find out why its called that, can you?  
  
Something tells me it won't be long until we find out.  
  
I smiled. My instincts told me that this was definitely going to be an interesting place. I winked. Welcome to Sunnydale.   
  
  
TBC  
**********************************************  
  
Reviews please... I love to hear people's comments. This is only just the beginning.   
  



	2. The Beginning

FORGIVENESS  
Chapter One: The Beginning  


  
_England 1880's_  
  
Miss Colby, Sarah whispered to me. Lord William wanted me to give you this. She handed me a note.  
  
After the ball, William had let me go home without his usual goodbye. He only winked.   
  
I told Sarah after she gave me the note, she left, knowing that I would want some privacy to read his note.  
  
My dear Miranda,  
  
Meet me outside at the gates at 11:00. I want to show you something that I think you will enjoy. Some spicy conversation. Don't let anyone know you are going, wouldn't want to upset your parents. Don't dress up.  
  
William  
  
P.S. If you don't come you will break my heart.  
  
I smiled, he always could make me smile. I wonder where he was taking me. I looked at the clock on the wall, it said 10:30. Only thirty minutes to get out of this dress into something a bit more comfortable and sneak out of the house.   
  
At 10:59, I was outside waiting at the gate when his carriage arrived. The door opened and William peaked his head out. Hurry up and get in love, before anyone hears us.  
  
I took his outreached hand and stepped into the carriage. He closed the door and tapped the top of the carriage signaling the driver to go on.  
  
Glad you decided to join me. He smiled.  
  
And where are we going?  
  
Its a surprise. He smiled only this time the smile was bit more mischievous. He liked knowing something that I didn't and being able to lord it over me.  
  
So tell me again, why I should trust you on this little trip? For all I know you could be some horribly demented murderer who always takes his victims out for a midnight stroll.  
  
That could be. He smiled that same smile again. He knew what I was doing of course, but still I had to keep trying.   
  
Maybe you are kidnapping me, and going to brick me up in some wall or dismembering my body and burying me under the floor.  
  
You have been reading too much Poe. He stated simply nothing was shocking him.  
  
Maybe you are taken me to the sea and selling aboard a ship as a slave. Or better yet you are sending me to Australia. He wasn't even wincing with my comments. Or maybe you are going to take me to a lecture on English conversation He laughed at the comment. Maybe you are going to lock me up in the attic of your house, slowly driving me mad. Maybe you are going to sick a ravenous dog on me. Or maybe you are going to stop the carriage and forcibly take me and then throw me out on the street, ruined   
  
With that he had the carriage stopped and grabbed my arm forcing me to turn towards him. There is one thing that you should never joke about with me, His voice had taken on a serious tone, I would never hurt you. Nor would I let anyone hurt you. Trust me when I say this you will always be safe with me.  
  
I meekly answered, I was only kidding.  
  
I know that, but you should never joke about that. You hear me. I would never force you to do anything. I could never force you. I love you too much to ever hurt you. It was only then that he realized what he had let slip and he turned away from me.  
  
I could barely speak. To hear him say it, to hear him tell me those words out loud was unbelievable.  
  
He tapped the carriage again and the driver continued on. After some moments of silence, he finally turned to look at me. May I kiss you? He asked, his voice quivered ever so slightly.   
  
And I, started laughing. It was so comical the tension that surrounded us and that simple question. William only looked back at me a bit hurt. I said, It's just ... I mean one moment you are deadly serious, than you are so shy. I mean you asked me if you could kiss me, like I might stomp on your heart. I don't mean to laugh, it's just...  
  
He rebuffed, his feelings obviously hurt.  
  
No, that is not what I was going to say... but before I had time to finish what ever I was going to say we arrived.   
  
Well here we are. I hope you like it. When I stepped out of the carriage, we were simply in town.  
  
So you brought me to town?  
  
No, I brought you to a tavern where you could see how unstuffy English men act. He was nonchalant about it, as if everything hadn't occurred in the carriage. At the moment, I began to question whether he really meant what he said. But then he did bring me here.  
  
We spent the night dancing, drinking and laughing. Although half of the time I couldn't understand a word anyone was saying, it was fun. And William, he was so amazing, it was like he stepped out of his skin and became somebody else. He was comfortable here, relaxed. Several times he caught me starring at me. I couldn't help it, he was so addicting.   
  
Hours later as I sat on a chair and my eyes began to close, William came up behind me and whispered in my ear, Let's get you home.  
  
The ride back to the house was quiet, I had my head on William's shoulder and his arm was around me. I heard the carriage stop, William kissed the top of my head. Better get the princess home, before the pumpkin disappears.  
  
I guess I feel asleep. I sat up realizing that we had both been a bit too comfortable with each other. That was nice, thank you.  
  
Your welcome, I thought that you might enjoy the change in scenery. He smiled at me.  
  
I did. After a brief pause, I held my breath and asked him softly, Ask me again.  
  
William widened his eyes he couldn't hear what I had just mumbled.  
  
Ask me again. I repeated a bit louder this time.  
  
Ask you what... oh, ask you that again. William smiled softly. May I kiss you?  
  
And with that I closed my eyes, his lips touched mine. Sweetly and softly at first as if he was tasting me. But then the kiss grew into something more, it became more carnal. His hand held my face and butterflies grew in my stomach. I didn't want the moment to end and then he broke away resting his forehead against mine. We breathed together. Softly I whispered, Ask me again.  
  
May I kiss you? He whispered our eyes were interlocked.  
  
Was all that I could manage to get out. And again he softly kissed me, then grew in intensity. Suddenly, though, he broke away.  
  
You need to get back in before anyone catches.   
  
There was disappointment in my voice. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stayed locked in our embrace for eternity. The thought of being separated made me feel empty inside. Thank you for tonight. I added not knowing what else to say and stepped out of the carriage. He drove on.  
  
I managed to get back in before anyone noticed that I was gone however I was tired, which concerned my mother dreadfully. Later on that day, I received a package from him. The note read...   
  
My dear Miranda,  
  
I enjoyed last night, thank you for trusting me. I hope that you aren't too tired. Here is a little something that I wanted to give you last night, but I ran out of courage. I hope you enjoy. I thought that it would match your eyes. Till our next visit.  
  
Yours truly,   
William  
  
Inside the box was a jewelry case holding with the most amazing necklace, which must of cost him a fortune. I ran up to my room and put it on. I decided for some reason not to tell my mother about the necklace. The secret of William and I was nice and I wanted to keep it that way for a moment more.  
  
We didn't see each other for weeks, William wrote and told me that business kept him away. One morning though my mother called me into the parlor to discuss a letter that my father sent her.  
  
He says that a man has asked him for your hand in marriage. He wants to know more about him. It seems that friend of yours Mr. Thwart wants to marry you. Did you know anything about this?  
  
My heart stopped, No, nothing.  
  
Well your father thinks that he is fairly serious and would like to know how to respond. And although I think it is a bit of a shock, he is a good man and his family is beyond repute. Honestly I believe that you can do a bit better, but you wouldn't be doing poorly marring him. I hesitated to answer him until I talked to you. Do you want to marry this man?  
  
Marry him. I mimicked. Yes, yes I do. I can't believe all of this is happening like this. I can't believe he wants me to be his wife.  
  
You do know what goes into a marriage. Commitment, nothing less. Marriage is never easy. I dare say I would miss you if you should decide to marry this far from home. But if it is what you want, than I would let your father know to give his permission. My mother smiled. Now come over here and hug your mother.  
  
And that is how it all happened. A week later, we received an invitation to William's to spend a month there with his parents. I was so happy I could barely contain myself. My mother teased me about my smile becoming a permanent fixture to my face.   
  
TBC...


	3. The Introduction

FOREGIVENESS  
Chapter Two: The Introduction  


_  
Present day Sunnydale_  
  
I screamed at the top of my lungs from upstairs. Do you read Russian?  
  
He yelled back at me.  
  
Do you read Russian?  
  
  
  
I screamed and walked downstairs. Marcus had finished hanging up the curtains so it was safe.   
  
Why do you want to know if I speak Russian? He was busy polishing our newest piece of 18th century Americana.  
  
These new books that we received are all in another language and I believe that it is Russian.  
  
What is it? Marcus looked up at me as I sat on the couch.  
  
It is a book about a Demon cult, which I would love to read if only I could understand the language.  
  
Let me take a look at it. Marcus picked up the book and started flipping through the pages. It does look like Russian, but maybe with a little Arabic. Where did the book come from?  
  
That is what I am trying to find out. The dealer bought it in Wales. The chain was that Wales got it from Peru, who got it from Kenya, then Japan, then Germany. The origin that anyone knows is somewhere around Latvia. But it doesn't look Slavic to me, does it to you?  
  
No. Well that is a question. I even wonder if this language even exists anymore. Communism did away with a lot of indigenous languages. This looks like it came somewhere from the southern tip, perhaps in the Stans or somewhere in the Himalayas. I don't know what to tell you. Go to a library.  
  
Thanks. I wonder if I could actually find someone here who could translate it and tell me if it is any good.   
  
I don't think so. Sorry. Marcus returned to polish. And a few moments later he stopped You know what though, I did hear that there is a great magic shop in town, you never know they might know somebody.  
  
Really a magic shop?  
  
Well, this is Sunnydale.  
  
Sounds fun, do you want to come.  
  
No thanks I still have some unpacking to do. I think that it is on Madison Street somewhere.  
  
So I'll go after sunset. Do you want me to pick anything up for you?  
  
Not really, just don't spend too much. You know how you have a tendency to overspend when you go to stores like this. Just don't get roped into anything.  
  
I do not have overspend. What was he talking about, I do not overspend when I go to Magic Stores.  
  
You do too, remember that place in Salem. You bought over $500 worth of herbs, which we still have because you didn't want to use it yet. But you won't throw it away because we may need it sometime. And don't forget that shop in Charleston. You go to these stores and get wrapped up in it all and overspend.  
  
Those herbs will come in useful one day, I promise. Pouting like a spoiled child. Besides there are only a few good magic stores in this country, why shouldn't I support them.  
  
Keep talking all you want but you know that you are obsessed.   
  
I am not. I pouted all the way upstairs, I was not obsessed and I was going to prove him wrong. When the sunset I set out to find this new magic store, with my book in my bag. As I walked in a young girl greeted me.  
  
Welcome to the Magic Shop. The girl said. The girl didn't seem to fit in the store, she seemed like someone who was more comfortable hanging around the mall than working in a magic shop. But I guess you never know about people. Even there was something familiar about her, something sad and needy. When you have been watching people for so many years you begin to pick up on little things in their eyes that give away their whole story. And this girl's story was simply that she needed something, I don't know what, but there was definitely something missing from her life.  
  
Thanks. I was wondering if you are familiar with languages.  
  
The girl looked at me a bit questionably.  
  
I have this book that I need translated and I was hoping you might know of someone who could help.  
  
Why don't you go to a library or the university?  
  
You were my first stop, see the subject of the book is a bit unusual. I thought that it might be a bit more your territory I pulled out the book and handed to the girl.  
  
It's old. Is all she said form a moment as she turned through the pages. What is it about?  
  
Well, I was told it was the history of a Demon cult in Romania. However, I can't read it at all to tell if it was worth the money that I spent on it.  
  
Why did you think we could help you?  
  
Well you are a magic shop, right? I haven't come across one magic shop that wasn't at least interested in demons, vampires and all things cultish.   
  
Point taken. I can't help you, but the owner might know some people.  
  
Oh, and when will he or she be here?  
  
Later on tonight to close up.  
  
Can I wait for her?  
  
Sure. Is there anything else that I can't help you with while you wait? She smiled.  
  
Do you have any books about vampires?  
  
Actually, we do have those. May ask you a question?  
  
Absolutely.'  
  
What is up with you and these books? I mean the topics are a bit....  
  
out of the ordinary. She nodded. What can I say, I read one Anne Rice book and I was hooked. All of this stuff fascinates me, the mythology is so intense. I swear after reading some of these books you would almost begin to believe that some of these things were real. The girl coughed out a nervous laugh. I mean really vampires.  
  
  
  
Oh, I'm sorry, do you believe in that stuff. Trying to not offend the young girl, I mean she did work in a magic shop maybe she did know some stuff after all.  
  
No, it's just that... I mean you do believe in magic, right?  
  
Oh, of course. Though I have never really been able to do any of it. I do believe in the possibility of magic. I love the notion that we are all connected by some force to nature and that we could harness it and other stuff like that.  
  
Cool. So here are some books that we have.  
  
Great! I'm Randi, by the way. I held out my hand to shake the young girl looked a bit confused and then finally took my hand.  
  
Dawn. Nice to meet you. Are you new around here?  
  
Yeah, just moved here. Which is why I am here. Skipped out of work tonight, knew that people wouldn't need to come in late on our first day open.  
  
Where do you work?  
  
I own an antique store on St. Vincents.  
  
Near the old cemetery. I nodded. Aren't there a bunch of creepy old houses out there?  
  
Yeah, including mine. It used to be an old nunnery, so it has tons of creepiness character to it. I started looking through one of the books she handed me. May I ask you a question?  
  
She kept handing me more books. I have a feeling Marcus was right I am obsessed with this stuff.  
  
Why are you working here? You don't seem like the type to work in a magic shop. I mean you are so normal. Usually, magic shop owners are freaks. With that another woman walked in the store.  
  
Dawn, have you seen that invoice for the stuff that came in this morning? She entered not even paying attention to the fact that the girl was talking to me.  
  
The girl handed me a couple more books. If you need any help, just holler. You can sit down to look at these if you wish.  
  
Anya, this woman has a book that she hopes that you might know of anyone who might be able to translate it. Dawn shows the woman the book.  
  
I don't know, why doesn't she just take it to the university? The woman asked Dawn, not really caring that I was in the room at all.  
  
I will if you can't help but it is just about an unusual topic that's all and I am not in the mood for answering some professor's questions. I replied from the table.  
  
What is it about?   
  
A demon cult.  
  
Oh. Where is it from?  
  
That's the other sixty four thousand dollar question. The trail is a bit weird, but my dealer and my partner thinks that it is from one of the Stan countries.  
  
Interesting. I may know of someone, but I will need to borrow the book. Would that be okay?  
  
Yeah as long as I get it back.  
  
Absolutely. Just write you name and number down here and I will get you an answer as soon as possible. When she said that three more people came in. They all seem to know each other. Is there anything else I can do for you?  
  
Yeah, I would like to get those books over there on the table.  
  
The woman looked at the books and then back at me. All of them.  
  
I'm a little obsessed. Yeah all of them. Dawn is an amazing salesperson. I winked at the girl, who smiled shyly at me. The woman and I started gathering the books and bringing them over to the counter. The guy who had just walked in was staring at me and the woman noticed giving a slight huff in her voice. I turned around, deciding this isn't an issue I need to be included in. So I started playing with the necklaces as I waited. Add these too. I picked out three necklaces and a pair of earrings. The price wasn't obscene, but I knew that there were a couple of things that I would definitely be back to get. Thanks for everything. You'll give me a call when you have any news.  
  
  
  
Thanks Dawn for everything. I smiled at the girl.  
  
Your welcome, Randi and welcome to Sunnydale. She was a nice girl. Now the question is how am I going to get all of these books home. 


	4. The Turning

FOREGIVENESS  
Chapter Three: The Turning  


_  
England, 1880's_  
  
I was walking in a field, in my wedding dress. William was there, starring at me. I could barely make out his figure due to the glaring sun. It was almost as if he was glowing. I felt so warm, so amazing. This was our day. The day that we are going to get married. I am going to be with this man for the rest of my life. God, he is so beautiful. I look around and my family is all standing around smiling at me. Music starts to play in the background. I see the minister approach me. Then we are in the church but instead of warmth, a chill runs up my backside. My mother is at my side, she's all in black, tears streaming down her eyes. William's mother is starring incoherently into space. The room is so cold, so empty. I look down at the floor and it is wet. In front of me is a casket. I look around desperately for William. He isn't anywhere. There are crowds of people here, crying. Maybe William is up front. I start to walk towards the casket. The minister reaches out his hand to me. That's when I see him, my William. Instead of being full of light, like he was moments earlier, he is now pale and lifeless. He lays in the casket as if there had never been life in that body. Like it had always been soulless. I reach out to him and start shaking him. I scream, but nothing happens. He just lays there. I bring my lips to his and kiss him softly, like he always did. His yellow eyes open with a start. His face changes into something not human, a monster. I scream as his fangs reach for my neck.  
  
I wake with a start, screaming at the top of my lungs, sweat drenching my entire body. I repeat over and over again. Sarah comes in and tries to calm me. Then my mother. They both try to hush me, but I won't be silent. I want my William. I start repeating. They aren't listening to me. I break out in coughing fit, my mother rubs my back and places a handkerchief over my mouth. The coughing continues. I see blood begin to build up on the piece of cloth. I scream again at the site of blood. The doctor comes in with my father and William's father. The two restrain me as the doctor pumps something into my veins. The lights brighten and images blur.   
  
This is where I am most peaceful now. In the morphine hallucinations of warmth and comfort. Light and heat always fill the room. No more dampness or cold of these damn moors. But the sun of my Texas. The heat on the back of your neck as you ride through the open land. No boundaries, no conditions, no death.  
  
I hear them whisper in the background. My mother crying, William's mother trying to console her. The doctor comes over and pinches my arm. The warmth again. But this time they are taking it out of me. They are taking my warmth. The blood flows out of my body and as it does a coldness takes over. I am now awake, aware of what the doctor is saying. Aware of where my William is. Aware that he was taken from me on the night before our wedding. Aware of the midnight wondering that I took at night looking for him. Aware of the bricks of my chest and dizziness in my head. Aware that the doctor looks like he has given up. Talking to my parents about letting me go in peace. Aware that believe that I have no strength left. But I do have strength left, I have to find my William. I try to scream out but no sound comes from my voice.  
  
At night, the doctor gives me more morphine to dull my pain. I wake in the middle of the night to a cold hand touching my face. The coolness feels good against my fevered skin. I open my eyes to see my William sitting next to me. He looks like he did he my dream, cold and pale. But it is him I am certain.  
  
I whisper.  
  
He places his finger against my lips. Save your strength.  
  
I missed you. I say not heeding his advice.   
  
I missed you to love. I am sorry about leaving. Didn't have much of a choice. I so wanted to see you in your dress.  
  
I smile, this is my William he is back with me. Don't leave me again. I whisper.  
  
Have too, can't stay with you forever.  
  
But you promised that you would. You would never hurt me, remember.  
  
I remember. There is hurt in William's eyes, the guilt of what he has done.  
  
Don't leave me again. I plead.  
  
Shh, I will stay tonight, but then I have to go.  
  
Take me with you. He jumps back with that statement and sits up straight. His seriousness coming through.  
  
I can't, love.  
  
Yes, you can.  
  
Shh, sleep now. He kisses my forehead and then my lips. He is so cold. His rests his body beside mine. I am comfortable again in my morphine dream. Except now I am cold against his body.  
  
I dream the same dream for every night for weeks. Until one morning, I did not wake up. When I finally did a strange man was standing over me.  
  
I don't know what happened Spike, but she isn't supposed to be like this. He touches my hair, She looks like a doll, don't you think, so delicate and pristine. Maybe I should help you finish the job. He smiles wickedly as William stalks over growling.  
  
You will stay away from her, Angelus. She is mine.


End file.
